How The Effects of The Residential Schools Pass To The Next Generation

So how does Social / Observational Learning explain the inter-generational effects of the Residential Schools? Simply by the fact we learn how to think and behave from those around us. The Residential Schools were so horrific they rivaled the deaths in the most notorious Nazi death camps. This continued, not for 10 years like the death camps, but for 50-60 years. And these crimes of humanity were committed on CHILDREN. The sheer amount of physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse irrevocably destroyed all sense of self esteem in the victims. They then had classic Stockholm syndrome; they identified with and became like their captors... the victims became the victimizers. This is where the inner void was created and has been largely ignored due to modern society.

When they were released “Christianized and Assimilated” they felt immense guilt and hatred towards themselves because of the torture they endured. "In order to love someone else, you must first love yourself". With that in mind, is it possible to love fully when one’s heart and soul has been crushed beyond all recognition? Is it possible to enjoy life when one only knows hate, suffering and a deep longing for death? Is it possible to give our children something that has long since been destroyed within us?

Imagine trying to give the best to your children only to fail because you haven't learned anything else. That alone is more painful than the abuse endured in those schools, for both the parents and their children. The only escape then is found in drugs, alcohol and government handouts.

What most people don't understand is the kinds of lives most Aboriginals live as the result of the Residential Schools. They don't see the 250 teens in the remote community of Kugluktuk (population 1,300) who committed suicide in the past 5 years. Their story can be found here, the second part here, and the third here.

But most of Aboriginal's reality is hidden. No one talks about the 13 year old girls forced to prostitute. The kids who have to see their moms, brothers and sisters beaten sometimes on a daily basis. The teens who are killing themselves by inhaling solvents just to escape these painful realities. Or even the elders who desperately want their grand-children to have a better life but can't seem to reach them and stop them from destroying themselves.

This is how these effects are transferred to the next generation. Parents want nothing more than for their children to be happy. But since we've lost those tribal ways of parenting and have had them replaced with pain, anger and depression, we are unable to give our children something that was taken from us. The inner void continues in the next generation and society just looks down on us, pointing fingers at our suffering as if we chose these lives.

I look with pride at the strength of our people. Who, in all our suffering, still continue to fight for salvation, enduring an untold amount of pain that permeates virtually every single Aboriginal family across North America. I look with faith, that when we are shown the path to true happiness and fulfillment, we would rise up as one and demand justice for the blood of past generations and, not just for us, but for the future of the world's coming generations. I believe this because I know we aren’t ‘just a bunch of lazy alcoholics’.

Social Learning, Conformism and Herd Behavior

Our ideas of ourselves and reality come from society (parents, siblings, friends, the media, the government, ect) since we are unable to form these concepts on our own as children and learn fastest through observing and imitating others.

We trust the system as children. We think the media, education, healthcare, police and even government systems are perfect and provide everything we need. But once we become adults we realize, “The system is really just screwed and run by a bunch of regular people who embed their own problems into the system.”

Our ability to save time by learning quickly from others is why we usually let society control what to think, believe and how to behave - without taking in account our own values, beliefs and judgments. By definition, we become slaves and lack human soul and creativity.

Did you ever notice people pick up the accents, slangs and mannerisms of the people around them when they move to a new city? It's only natural - it's called Herd Behavior, Conformism, or Social / Observational Learning. Basically people observe and then imitate everyone around us. After all, if everyone is doing it, it must be okay right? Not always...

Advertising says "You can only feel good about yourself when you have this and your life is like this. This is what is valuable to you and everyone else. Without it, you are nothing, you are worthless and your life sucks. Work your dead end job and buy a second of happiness. We need people who don't question these absurd beliefs and who don't want to find out what is truly valuable to themselves". No wonder so many people who strive to attain riches, fame or women have only ended up unfulfilled. They're left feeling hopeless and empty because it wasn’t what they really wanted.

The trouble is... most people have no idea what they want. They accept what society and friends tell them they want: money, fame, women, this car, this lifestyle, this house, to be this person. And guess what happens when we don’t measure up? We can't feel good about ourselves or our life situation. Even if we do possess those things, those external things can never fill an inner void. Just look at Kurt Cobain and Marylin Monroe.

What is really needed is knowledge of what we really want, the confidence to think what we want to think, to become who we want to become and to achieve what we really want to achieve. This is self esteem - it's a constant good feeling about ourselves that isn't dependent on our results, appearances or accomplishments and doesn't leave when we fail or make mistakes. It's based on the simple fact that we are good enough as is and capable of achieving anything and everything we want. And it’s then we naturally create the wealth, the fame and the lifestyle.

I'm not saying that earning money, fame, ect, is wrong - having the best in life for yourself and your family is a great thing. What I'm saying is those things will come faster and in greater amounts by making your focus living your Life Purpose. And earning those things will be a LOT easier and more enjoyable because we would be living our passion. Find what you love doing and you'll never work a day in your life.

But like I said earlier, we have no idea what we really want... it’s never an issue for most people. They rather follow the crowd, the man on the commercial, the lifestyle Hollywood dictates. We think we are our thoughts, actions, results, jobs, clothes and money and look to those things to define ourselves and determine our worth (which is Ego). The information on external conditions in my first article clearly explains this.



People who die fulfilled and create massive social change are the ones who question society’s views and establish a new, more accurate ‘map’ of reality. Their life and their legacy go on for centuries. Life isn’t a brief candle for these people and ‘hard work’ isn’t seen as that, but rather their passion and Life Purpose in action. Hard work and living your passion (including ‘working hard’ towards your passion) produce two completely different feelings and results.

I used to think that in order to be successful, you must first know how to get what you want. You need the strategies and skills. But it became apparent to me that the most important factor is BURNING DESIRE. With that, you’ll seek out the strategies you need because you’ve decided to get it NO MATTER WHAT. It’s either you do or you die trying. When one has that amount of resolve and persistence, that person is practically guaranteed success.

The problem lies in finding out what you really want because we’re so socially conditioned to value the wrong things. They blind us to our true Life Purpose. Our Life Purpose is in line on so many levels with our identity and what we really want, that action becomes an unavoidable result. We don't need motivation then because we will be doing what we really want anyway.

Your Life Purpose holds the key to all fulfillment, wealth, health, success and love. Everyone has a Life Purpose at any age, the best times to discover your mission is during adolescence and in mid-life. But detecting (not creating) your Life Purpose requires expert guidance and support to show you where to look and common misconceptions to avoid.

Once you get in touch with your Purpose, NOTHING IN THIS WORLD MATTERS AS MUCH because you found what truly matters. It isn’t money. It isn’t ‘being the Man’. It isn't even having life going good for yourself. It’s simply being yourself and sharing your gifts with this world... leaving a legacy for future generations. That is something that you create, not something that is given to you. So stop waiting for happiness. If you know your worth it, go out and make it happen. Demand and claim everything that you're worth.

Personal Update

Considering all that I want, I'm going to have to make some huge changes in my life. I'm in no way perfect, but I've come a long way and I'm not turning back now.

My new goals for the next while include:

1 month (April 18th):

- Change business name
- Exercise, meditate and read daily
- Buy a car so I can get to my workshops
- Have a debt repayment plan in place
- Begin complete identity change
- Become aware of, confront, overcome and integrate inner Shadows (a Carl Jung theory)
- Do at least 3 workshops
- Line up at least 8 more for the next 2 months

3 months (June 18th):

- Developed and refined an amazingly effective 4-day workshop based on Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_hero%27s_journey)
- Travel North America doing 4-day workshop

6 months (Sept 18th)

- Completely new identity
- Professionally filmed, edited and produced DVD's of 4-day workshop plus instructions how leaders and youths can implement transformation in their communities
- Use money I earned to produce and distribute (roughly 500) DVD's for free

There is a lot more to this list though (I go at least 5 years into the future and include the amount of money I will have earned).

I'm very lucky and fortunate to have the opportunity I do now. I don't say that I'VE fully created my life from just my own doing. I've had a lot of help so I'm very grateful for all the people that have helped me along the way (read over 100 books and was guided by so many people).

Knowing this helps me to stay humble and prevents me from becoming egotistical. It's not what I do that I feel good about, it's who I am. This is the inherent worth every individual on the face of the Earth has within them. And I can teach this so others can do it without all the struggle and hassle I went into finding it out alone. I want to show people that everything they're looking for is within them so they can stop looking for it outside themselves.

This is why making mistakes is a great thing - that way I know where to improve. Not one person on Earth was born knowing how to talk, walk or earn money... we all learn it trough trial and error; making mistakes. You eliminate failure the second you learn from it.

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan

"Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation." - Michael Jordan

"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." - Michael Jordan

"My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength." - Michael Jordan


On a more personal note... my daughter Chloe celebrated her 4th birthday on the 14th this month. She's the reason why I started the path I'm on. I couldn't leave my hotel room in Victoria on that day... I couldn't stop thinking about her (I did my best to distract myself). I haven't seen since last year.

The first time I got to see her was summer last year. Since then her mother and I tried to get back together but it didn't work out for a number of reasons. It took 3 me years to see her for the first time and I have seen her no more than 20 times. But if I managed to do that (considering where I came from), I'm just going to bide my time and try again.

"He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life." -- Edmond Dantes, The Count Of Monte Cristo

How The Residential Schools REALLY Affect Aboriginals

Conditional love says, "I'll love you if you act in X way, or do X, but will despise Y behavior or if you act like this". When we punish people out of love, they only feel hatred. Acceptance and forgiveness isn't dependent on conditions, but simply understanding, patience, and unconditional love. We can only love unconditionally when we 1. love and understand ourselves unconditionally which allows us to 2. accept our life conditions and 3. accept others unconditionally. We're able to accept because we are able to understand and see the truth.

Thinking, "Well, this person did X to me, so now I feel bad and I'm justified in wanting to hurt them back." or when others judge us for our actions, we shouldn't hate or judge them back. Why? Because both parties aren't really choosing to do those things. No one wants or chooses to hurt those they love most, live with depression, alcoholism, unemployment, violence, hate or crime (evident when many Aboriginals say, "I hurt those I love the most, I don't want to but can't seem to change no matter how hard I try" and "I can't seem to quit drinking even though I want to"). All actions have a positive intention - drinking, to end pain and laugh - suicide, to end the pain of living - crime, to get money - drugs, to feel good and numb the pain, ect. The people that stay victims to their circumstances are simply unaware of their choices and how to achieve them. Give these people a new understanding and they'll choose different ways of living and finding happiness - ways that are in line with what they truly want.

We are not our thoughts, beliefs, or actions, for they can and do change over time. What we are is our basic awareness or soul - that which feels, judges, knows, and thinks. Our actions, beliefs, thoughts, ect, come from our awareness and how we interpret everything and the world around us. "Nothing is neither good or bad - but thinking makes it so" - Shakespeare. The way we interpret the world comes largely from our upbringing since we aren't able to think for ourselves in order to survive as infants and children. We have no control over what we are taught as children (we never chose it), that comes from our parents who learned everything from their parents, or in the case of all Aboriginals, the Residential Schools.

The Residential Schools forced us to learn conditional love and learned helplessness, among other forms of negative thinking that are the cause of our condition (notice that suicide is the number one cause of death of Aboriginals age 13-30). The Residential Schools took away our basic choice of who we want to be, who we think we are, what we want, and what we do. This means we are asleep - unconscious.... acting out scripts and behaviors handed to us from those who attempted to destroy us. It's time to wake up and make our own decisions based on unconditional love, acceptance, understanding, correct principles and truth.

When we accept, love and understand others not based on their actions but for who they are beneath their unconscious "decisions", they honor and respect us back (the core of unconditional love). As parents, our children then do as we say because they feel our love for them in all it's fullness and truly see we only want the best for them. They feel our love and respond back with love (we give the world what's within us).

Loving children unconditionally allows them to feel their inherent worth as a person. This means they would no longer need to succumb to peer pressure nor rebel for a sense of control because they don't need to in order to feel good about themselves. They don't need everyone's approval anymore because they have their own acceptance - acceptance from knowing that they are good enough. Conditional love makes one feel like they're not good enough, so they copy what others say is good - substituting someone else's choice for their own. But when they are confident in their ability to make the right choices in life (which they can only see when loved unconditionally), they then make their own decisions to what's truly important to them, not what others say is 'cool' or what necessarily feels good in the moment - allowing them to endure pain of working towards worthwhile goals.

Unconditional love transforms all who come into contact with it - a transformation that we cannot get through punishment, deal making or rewards (which all imply doing something that someone else chose for them). When we have unconditional love for our children, they tend to judge themselves and hold themselves to a higher standard than we ever could. This standard is of their own choosing - this gives them a sense they are capable of choosing the best for themselves because they are inherently good enough as is. This builds confidence, identity and self respect - self respect makes them feel deserving the best in life which allows them to work for what they know they're worth... they don't wait for someone or something to give them happiness (such as Welfare, drugs, alcohol, a person, money, fame, or some other external event that never provides lasting happiness or fulfillment).

This doesn't mean that one would make all the wrong decisions for themselves (like drinking, drugs, crime, gangs, ect) simply because one only pursues those things when they feel they can't find inner fulfillment and happiness elsewhere (which in itself limits their sense of choice and sense of ability to achieve the goals which they choose). People's sense of ability to achieve their goals is limited only to their choice to seek the understanding that will enable them to achieve their goals - this takes the power from external conditions, gives it back and empowers them (this implies one can do anything as long as they choose to do so).

Unconditional love and understanding towards one's self is self esteem. Self esteem doesn't depend on conditions - it's doesn't depend on whether we are successful or not, on our appearance, status, respect from others, acceptance from others, our accomplishments, our past, material possessions, money, our job, or any other external condition. This is why many who strive to attain those things only end up feeling empty and unfulfilled (consider Kurt Cobain). Ironically, by cultivating self esteem and unconditional acceptance of ourselves, others, and our life's conditions, we achieve those outer conditions faster and in more abundance in ways we would have never considered when we lacked self esteem.

It's through sharing what's within us that provides our fulfillment, not the achievement of external conditions. Keep in mind that we then enjoy those external conditions only because we simply see them as a reflection of our level of inner fulfillment. This fulfillment doesn't require the recognition of anyone else - for it is ours and ours alone... no one can give it to us nor can anyone take it away (meaning we also can and may lose those external conditions but we'll never lose our sense of inner fulfillment). This is also why this fulfillment is present even when faced with "failure" (failure is merely a lesson of what doesn't work), and enabled the greatest people in history to never give up and be willing to die for what they believed in. They knew that what they had within them was greater than anything the world could throw at them. They understood the only true failure was to allow things, people, emotions or external events destroy and control their thoughts, values, beliefs, purpose, and integrity. "Extraordinary men build a firm foundation with the bricks others throw at them"

This also means we should no longer feel guilty for our past mistakes, past mistakes of our parents or past events that caused us to hate ourselves - for if we just knew how to get the result we wanted, we would choose to do so. And just because some uncontrollable, unchosen external event prevented what we wanted, it's no reflection on who we are or what we intended. We are not our actions, thoughts, beliefs or results... but we are responsible for them since only we can think for ourselves.

Basing our happiness and sense of self worth on external conditions is where our unhappiness comes from (also where conditional love originates). Nothing in this world is forever... all things and people will change towards us, causing pain, or they will leave us and it's absence will cause pain. It's true people will eventually die and it will cause us to be unhappy but we can still be at peace with it and accept it (even when faced with our own death).

Acceptance of all that is instantly ends the pain and it's power over us. When it's too hard to accept something, we may feel it's important to hold on to whatever it is that prevents us from letting go. We simply have to redirect our focus or change our perception - for all events conform to the way we choose to see them. "Nothing is neither good or bad - but thinking makes it so". Paradoxily, by letting go we then have the power to influence change. There are many proven ways to do this, which I will be sharing with people through my workshops and presentations.

Truth is gentle, it uplifts and inspires. If someone believes or thinks something that hurts or angers themselves or anyone else, then what they believe isn't true or isn't the full truth. "The truth shall set you free... but first it'll tick you off or scare the hell out of you" This happens because we sometimes cloud the truth with our own negative perception of what that truth means... this causes us to not accept it. When we add new meaning or don't see the whole truth, it makes it false - only false thoughts cause pain and anger. Truth is gentle. The minute we grasp the undistorted truth, it heals us and our wounds.



My goal is to get this message to all Aboriginals before the crises which is to affect us within 5-15 years. The Canadian government will soon remove our treaty rights and we'll have to pay for our own medication, schooling and infrastructure. The reason is because we are the number one growing population and within 10 years would be costing the government billions in the form of medication and hospitalization. The government also included a clause in the Residential School settlements that says Aboriginals can no longer ask the government for help reversing the effects that the Schools caused. So when we attempt to approach the government for help for our elderly and our youth (who are killing themselves through drugs, suicide, and solvents), Canadian society and government will not allow it. "We threw billions of dollars at you people already" they'll lament. I know this because they already feel this way towards us. I don't say that to judge them because I know if they understood the truth some would offer to help.

© Copyright 2008 7th Generation Consulting Enterprises

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