Q and A - Wealth, Health, Love and Fulfillment

Okay, you better be ready for this. Not many people are. This article will shatter every idea of yourself, your reality and your future. In a good way. It'll hurt so good (not to insinuate you're into that kind of stuff or anything...)

Highest probability: you've NEVER heard anything like this before. Lowest probability: you've NEVER heard anything like this before.

WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE AS IT IS NOW. YOU WILL NO LONGER BE SATISFIED WITH AVERAGE. YOU WILL DEMAND THE BEST IN LIFE AND WILL NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING BUT THE BEST OF THE BEST.


What exactly is the Ego?


The Ego is a false sense of self created at a young age as the only way to feel good about ourselves. It’s created in order to make sense of our parents’ seemingly illogical actions – one minute they love us, the next hate; Yes, No, I love you, go away. The Residential Schools was an extreme version of this and explains why the resulting problems plague Aboriginals everywhere to this day.

Most parents take out their anger on their children or handle them angrily when they are in a bad mood. A young child doesn’t understand the stresses of adulthood, so in order to make sense of the situation the child thinks “It must be ME that’s causing that”. Punishment has the same effect (see my article Punishment Vs Discipline).

The very same negative behavior parents dislike is reinforced when parents lash out on their children then later apologize and tell them they love them. This teaches children to misbehave and to cry in order to get attention and love (it seems like the only consistent way of getting it). This is why many women stay in abusive relationships and why those men abuse them. It's what they're used to and what they've learned through Observational Learning.

If this continues throughout childhood, the only logical thought becomes “I’M a bad person. I must do something in order for others to approve of me”. This is the wounded Ego and causes the creation of Inner Shadows (more on this in future articles).

The false Ego causes your entire sense of self and happiness to come from something outside your control (money, some event, other’s approval, ect). It causes you to feel you need to do something in order to feel you are something (such as happy, good, ect).

Even finding about punishment and its effects on children makes most parents feel guilty. This is their Ego causing that pain (needing to measure up to some standard to consider ourselves “good”... needing to do something). Self Esteem’s only standard is life and the only requirement is to be.


What is Self Esteem?


To esteem something means to value to it and to think “This is good, I like this”. To esteem yourself is to value yourself for who you are – not what you do. This means you feel good about who you are even if you fail, don’t measure up or are insulted. It doesn’t even affect your level of happiness or Self Esteem because it’s YOU who esteems yourself, not someone else or some event.

Self-Confidence is often confused with Self Esteem. To be confident means to feel good knowing that you can do something. Can a baby do anything? Not really. Then why do we value them? It’s because people value life, life is the Primary Value – what one can do as a result of being alive is Secondary Value. Life is valuable. Your life is valuable. You are valuable. Value yourself.

Let me tell you something. If you were in a desert and haven’t seen anyone in months when you suddenly come across someone, you’d most likely want to stay near them. Not because of what they can give you (Secondary Value), but simply because they managed to survive and are alive. Life is the Primary Value.

Being able to do or gain something can only happen if we have life (only if we are). People go wrong when their Primary Value becomes what they can do, what they have or what they are experiencing (which is Secondary Value). Why? Four reasons:

1. We are NOT what we can do, what we have, or what we experience – for that can change
2. It replaces a constant Self Esteem with an unstable, inconsistent Ego that depends on validation that is there one day, gone the next
3. They miss what’s really important – family, friends and community (life)
4. It makes people constantly look for some future event outside themselves which causes them to not appreciate their life right now – as is (not valuing their Primary Value – life)

What you do and what you experience comes as a natural result of who you are (or in the cause of the Ego, who you think you are). You can’t say to your muscles “My muscles are so (big/small)... stop doing that” simply because they aren’t doing anything... they just are. What you can do with your muscles comes as a Secondary result of them being that way. The Secondary Value they provide comes from what they are - the Primary.

Esteem your Primary Value (your life, yourself, your time) and the Secondary Value (wealth, health and love) will come as a natural result of who you are. And when it comes, you realize you’ll don’t need it to feel great because your Primary Value provides that (you’ll learn this without learning it the hard way like Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe and Anna Nicole Smith).

Also, the negative actions of other people will no longer stress you as much (if at all) AND you’ll be able to influence them to create positive events just by being you. Who you are creates what you experience. Many people just don’t know how this works.


Why should I care if I have an Ego?


Your Ego is the one and only source of ALL your suffering and pain. You may think “No, in my case, someone or something else caused my suffering”. I’m here to suggest that it’s not events that upset you, it’s the views your Ego takes of them.

Let me ask you something; as a 2 month old baby, did you care if someone called you dumb? Of course not... you didn’t even know what the word meant. The event itself doesn’t make you feel bad – it’s your thoughts about it that does. It’s only after your Ego decided that dumb was bad that you felt bad when someone called you that (threatening your Ego).

On the flipside: what if some crazy homeless person came up to you and said, “You’re the greatest person in the world. I know it because God told me” would you feel good about yourself? Probably not.

If you think a person’s opinion isn’t true, you won’t feel good about yourself even when they praise you. It’s your thoughts about it that cause your emotions. The event itself can’t make you feel anything, it’s how you interpret the event that does.

So what does that have to do with anything? It means that you may not have control over what happens to you, but you do have full control over what those events mean to you. You create how you feel how you feel at all times. So that means you can feel great without needing anything or even when your life is a complete hell.

It’s simple but not easy – at first. After you get the hang of it, it becomes an automatic part of who you are. You no longer have to do anything to be happy... you just are happy. And you won’t need anything outside yourself to feel that way. You won’t need money, some event or anything else going good for you to feel great. Not only that, but negative situations will no longer affect you as much, if at all.

It’s only after your false Ego is out of the way that you can uncover your authentic Self Esteem, happiness and fulfillment.


So how exactly am I in full control of my own happiness and sadness?


What causes feelings of happiness and anger are merely chemicals in your brain – inside you (not outside, in some event). They are triggered by what you think about the event you’re facing.

To value, say, ice cream would trigger those happiness chemicals when you are eating ice cream. It’s not the ice cream that triggers it, it’s your liking of it that does. If the positive evaluation wasn’t there, the ice cream would no longer trigger those feelings.

You can actively decide what is valuable to you and you can choose to see things you dislike differently (thus changing how you feel about them and how they affect you). This means you can have full control over how and when you feel happy.

The real kicker is that you can feel great all day, all the time, without being at the mercy of things outside yourself. And nothing outside you would be able to change that (if it does, it doesn’t stay that way for long).

Let me put it this way: when you are happy, you think happy thoughts. When you are angry, you think angry thoughts. You can’t think happy thoughts while angry and expect to suddenly be happy. Secondary results cannot create Primary causes; doing doesn’t create being (only a hollow imitation of being). Without the first, the Secondary cannot happen; being is doing.

Likewise, you can’t expect to run away from negative events while chasing after money, fame, some experience, ect (Secondary Values) and have that cause happiness or fulfillment (Primary Value). Be happy and fulfilled now and positive Secondary Value will naturally come as a result of who you are. You will then be able to fully enjoy and share those Secondary things with others.


Just how do I become happy and fulfilled now?


Let go of your Ego. Uncover your Self Esteem. Make your life and yourself your Primary Value. Be fully present in the moment. Need nothing. Accept everything. Be you and create what you want.


Is it really that simple?


Yes. It’s simple, but not easy at first. It isn’t a matter of learning; it’s a matter of unlearning. Educate in Greek means “to draw forth from within”. Happiness and fulfillment comes from within. You must remember how to do that and become as creative, spontaneous, believing and loving as a child again.

If you were wounded as a child, then you must first undergo a process that will enable you to let go of those negative emotions and come to terms with your past. This healing results in forgiveness and lets your natural self come through (creativity, happiness, health, wealth and love).


How does wealth fit into the equation?


Life is the Primary Value. Many people hate their lives, so they seek reasons to like them. They were taught at a young age that who they were wasn’t good enough – that they weren’t valuable. So they then use outer things as a reason to feel valuable and important (Ego). They feel they need to do something in order to feel they are something.

In effect, they stop valuing their lives (their Primary Value) and start seeking the rewards that would come naturally if they just valued their lives. So even if you get those Secondary things you’ll still hate your life (like Kurt Cobain).

Some people will then think, “Well, if I had a reason to value my life, I would. If I had money, ect, ect, I would then value my time and my life”. But it’s that very thinking that causes their suffering in the first place (Ego). With Ego, people need reasons to feel valuable and important – they need to do something in order to be it.

Life should be a value in and of itself if you want lasting happiness, wealth and fulfillment. Life enables you to achieve money, fame, respect, ect. Without life, nothing can be achieved and those outer things are useless. Your life is the source of it all. Value it fully and those outer things come naturally as a result of who you are.

A very funny thing happens when you begin to value yourself and your life. You begin to want the best for yourself and others and then seek to create wealth because you feel entitled to it, not because you feel you need it to enhance your life (you know your life is valuable enough as is).

You then come to the world looking to give rather than take. And when you give, it’s value in other people’s lives which they exchange Secondary Value for (money). This is how money is literally created... creating and then exchanging value. Life is the Primary Value – it’s where all other value flows from, including money.

This is why doctors and surgeons get paid so much - they save lives. Just look at any profession today that improves the lives of others. The is also why actors, singers and writers get paid so much - people value the beauty and glorification of life. Poets and actors help inspire people to achieve more in life.


So how do I use this information to become wealthy?


In order to give value, you must first possess it. People exchange money for anything that causes them happiness or pleasure. And if you help others generate Secondary Value (rather than just giving them it), they’ll exchange huge sums of money for that.

By improving other people’s lives (because life is valuable), people are willing to exchange Secondary Value for it (money, work, respect, material objects, ect). And by improving their lives, they generate more Secondary Value for themselves and others. The cycle then continues, becomes self-perpetuating and wealth is created by creating it for everyone else.

Your Life Purpose naturally benefits others (I talk about this in my article on Social Learning and a few others). It is also the very thing you want most in life, so living your Purpose isn't something that's hard... in fact it's the only fulfilling thing there is in life (because it brings us closer to those we care about most).

People think, “Well, if I did value myself and my life as is, then money would be a great addition to my life”. Nope. It only makes your life more complicated and much more difficult. When you have large amounts of money, certain things happen:

1. People envy you. You lose friends. Even your family may begin to become very jealous, mistakenly thinking life is somehow easier on you now
2. You have to learn how to keep it (or lose it all). This takes discipline, hard work and continued effort on a daily basis
3. Because you have more money, you then have more desires... if you try to fulfill all your desires, you’ll be broke in no time. Being rich means giving up a LOT of desires
4. You have to keep changing and tending to your source of income or it’ll stop producing – I don’t even have the time to go into all the aspects and work involved with this one (there are many books out there that do)
5. Mo money, mo problems. Being broke is a LOT easier – you enjoy the little things more and your friends want to help you out rather than being envious of you
6. You may lose your privacy over your own life and people constantly judge and want to insult you as a way of making their Ego’s feel better about themselves
7. You live in constant fear of losing the lifestyle you’ve become accustomed to

In short, becoming rich isn’t for someone values Secondary Value more than their Primary. But if you have Self Esteem, the negative aspects of wealth don’t matter because events can’t cause you to feel good or bad. Your Self Esteem and your Life Purpose is the source of all Wealth, Health, Love and Fulfillment, not anything outside yourself.